jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize