Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
