i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
