Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
