Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
