there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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