my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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