I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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