FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
