textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
