i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
