YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
