Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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