she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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