There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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