All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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