My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
