dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
