Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
