worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
