Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
