where am i from again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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