There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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