Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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