We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
