I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
