How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize