JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
