After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize