If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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