I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
