Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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