a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
