If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
