as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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