You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
