you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
