I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
