tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
