why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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