You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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