This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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