Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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