The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think i have two assholes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
