as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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