I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
