I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize