Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
