I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
