Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
