Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
