I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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