Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
