I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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