i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
