I wish my penis had an off switch
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
