And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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