I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
