there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
as a side note pls kill me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
