where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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