WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
