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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam

  (212): View more from New York

  enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I think I sharted a yagerbomb.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius

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• (239): View more from Florida

  COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING

  (646): View more from New York

  (239): View more from Florida

  Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  and SLEEP god I love sleep

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Lord god protect this child

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF

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• (561): View more from Florida

  This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.

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