absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
