The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
