i just sent this text using only my big toe
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
